He will survive.

I think I have found the funniest video ever made and posted on the internet. Here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Warning, it may offend some. If it does, go to ebay and see if you can buy a sense of humor.

Click to laugh your ass off.

You'll poke someones eye out with that!!!

I have a feeling that once she can see, that toy is gonna get place right where it belongs!!

Woman Has To Get 6 Stitches After Hit With Sex Toy

Man Convicted Of Domestic Violence

AKRON, Ohio -- A sex toy landed a local man in court Tuesday.

A Summit County jury convicted Excell Bradley, of Barberton, of domestic violence for throwing what the prosecutor called a large sex toy into the eye of a woman with whom he lived, NewsChannel5 reported.

Police said Bradley's across-the-room toss of the sex toy caused enough damage to require six stitches to the woman's eye.

While bleeding and with blurry vision, she called 911, WEWS reported.

Bradley admitted to Barberton police that he threw the toy.

Copyright 2005 by NewsNet5. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Now see, this is one guy is by the people, for the people!!!

Satanic vamp for Governor

From correspondents in Minneapolis

From: Reuters

MINNEAPOLIS voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.

"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.

"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey said. "I just hate God the Father."

However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.

Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."

"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.

The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined.

Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy on Friday – the 13th – because that was "my lucky number."

Don't monkey around with Stalin!!

Stalin's half-ape supertroops

By Nick Buchan

From: NEWS.com.au

Stalin's dream ... Planet of the Apes / 20th Century Fox

A SECRET plan to create hordes of half-man half-ape super-warriors to conquer the rest of world has been uncovered in Moscow.

If successful, the plan would have seen humans and chimpanzees cross-breeding to create a new race of "living war machines", which ignored pain and fear and which thrived on hardship.

According to The Scotsman, the program was instigated by Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin in the early 1920s. Stalin saw the scheme as an integral part of his plans to consolidate power and rapidly boost the Soviet Union's flagging power and prestige on the world stage.

The stakes were high - Stalin's battered Red Army had been gutted by years of civil war and internal purges. There was also intense pressure to find a new labour force, particularly one that would not complain, with the Soviet Union about to embark on its first Five-Year Plan for fast-track industrialisation.

Stalin threw scientists and other genetic experts into the program, providing lavish resources and funding in a bid to achieve early results.

"I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat," Stalin said, quoted by Moscow newspapers.

His cronies were not slow in supporting him. In 1926 the Politburo in Moscow passed the request to the Academy of Science with the order to build a "living war machine".

The Soviets drafted their top animal-breeding expert into the program. Ilya Ivanov, who previously had set up the world's first centre for the artificial insemination of racehorses, set off for West Africa to conduct his first experiments in inseminating chimpanzees.

Meeting little success, Ivanov turned his efforts around, setting up a facility in Stalin's home republic of Georgia to fertilise human volunteers with monkey and ape sperm. Not surprisingly, the efforts were a total failure.

All up, his efforts cost the impoverished Soviet Union many hundreds of thousands of dollars.

For his expensive failure, he was sentenced to five years' jail, later commuted to five years' exile in the Central Asian republic of Kazakhstan.

A year later he died, reportedly after falling sick while standing on a freezing railway platform.

Do try this at home!!

These seem like some pretty good ideas!!! I will have to start trying them!!

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer, and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:


You only need two tools: WD40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40.

If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

And lastly, remember this---
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, CONGRATULATIONS!! You get another chance!!

Its gettin hot in herre....... So lets keep our clothes on

Somewhat reminds me of high school!!!

Naked-marriage-sex ban

From correspondents in Cairo

11-01-2006

From: Agence France-Presse

AN Egyptian cleric's controversial fatwa claiming that nudity during sexual intercourse invalidates a marriage has uncovered a rift among Islamic scholars.

According to the religious edict issued by Rashad Hassan Khalil, a former dean of Al-Azhar University's faculty of Sharia (or Islamic law), "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage".

The religious decree sparked a hot debate on the private satellite network Dream's popular religious talk show and on the front page of Al-Masri Al-Yom, Egypt's leading independent daily newspaper.

Suad Saleh, who heads the women's department of Al-Azhar's Islamic studies faculty, pleaded for "anything that can bring spouses closer to each other" and rejected the claim that nudity during intercourse could invalidate a union.

During the live televised debate, Islamic scholar Abdel Muti dismissed the fatwa: "Nothing is prohibited during marital sex, except of course sodomy."

For his part, Al-Azhar's fatwa committee chairman Abdullah Megawar argued that married couples could see each other naked but should not look at each other's genitalia and suggested they cover up with a blanket during sex.

Bet Ya Didnt Know

posted at Daves Daily

1. Polar bears are left-handed.

2. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

3.The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

4. A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

5. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

6. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

7. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

8. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

9. Butterflies taste with their feet.

10. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

11. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

12. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

13. Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.

14. A cat's urine glows under a black light.

15. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

16. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

17. Starfish have no brains.

18. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

19. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

Crazy Bout A Mercury

Forget the hybrids , I want this car!!!

I like this idea MUCH better than the traditional gold band.

With this bone, I thee wed

From correspondents in London

03-01-2006

From: The Australian

COUPLES are turning to the laboratory to create "biojewellery" - bone rings grown from their DNA as a token of their love.

In an extreme test of devotion, they must submit to the removal of wisdom teeth and the extraction of a fragment of jawbone. A team has won ethical approval for the procedure, which is attracting commercial interest.

Tobie Kerridge, a British Royal College of Art research fellow and co-inventor of the idea, said it would cost about $11,700 to produce each ring.

Matthew Harrison, 25, who with his girlfriend, Harriet Harriss, 32, is to exchange rings, conceded that others might find it "disgusting".

But Mr Harrison, a product designer from London, said: "I see it as a set of biological connections instead of something like marriage, a legal connection." Ms Harriss described it as "incredibly poetic".

They are among four couples selected from hundreds of volunteers who will undergo the procedure at Guy's Hospital in London. Scientists, led by Ian Thompson of King's College, London, will use techniques pioneered for growing tissue outside the body.

Cells from a fragment of jawbone will be "seeded" on a ring-shaped scaffold structure, where they will grow for six to eight weeks.

The bone sample will then be crafted into a ring by Nikki Stott, a jewellery designer at the Royal College of Art.

Mr Kerridge has received an inquiry from an American venture capitalist, but the team has no plans to cash in.

From The Sunday Times of London in The Australian

Another version here if you want more info

Happy Naked Year!!