This makes me all hard and stuff!

Be carefull, you'll poke an eye out!!

What's the point, by gum

AN advertisement which features a man with elongated nipples could be pulled from TV screens in days.

The plug stars a beachgoer whose nipples miraculously grow after he tries Mentos chewing gum.

The Advertising Standards Board said complaints from disgusted viewers started as soon as the ad was screened at the weekend.

The ad's star uses his new appendages to catch frisbees, press lift buttons and even spin discs on a DJ's turntable - while a bevvy of admiring bikini-clad girls look on.

"As soon as the advert went to air we received a number of complaints about its content, regarding inappropriate sexual references and claims that it was discriminatory to both men and women," ASB chief executive Fiona Jolly said. "The advert is being rushed on to the agenda of the next meeting of the board this week."

The ASB can ask Mentos to withdraw or edit the advertisement. Although the board's decisions are not legally enforceable, it has a 100 per cent record of compliance among advertisers.

Mentos Ice brand manager Juliette Toolin said the advertisement was intended to be "light-hearted".

"It's simply a tongue-in-cheek and humorous way of telling people about our product," she said. "We thought we might get some sort of reaction but we don't believe this is offensive."

She said a few viewers had complained directly to the company.

Here's ______ in your eye!

Are we sure it was rocks and not nuggets?

Monkey threw stone at zoo visitor

A Brazilian woman is considering suing a zoo after a monkey threw a stone at her.

Regiane Viana, 25, needed hospital treatment after she was hit on the head at Rio de Janeiro Zoo.

She told O Dia newspaper that she had recovered from her injuries but had been shocked by the incident.

A spokesperson for the zoo said: "It was unbelievable, the monkey threw a rock at this woman out of the blue.

"We never had this before, but we have to investigate and find out how he learn this trick, soon people will think not even Rio's zoo is safe anymore, even the animals are getting violent!"

This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

Guess when your traveling with your mother, you should pack lightly.
I would have said it was for a blood pressure cuff.

Sex aid declared as bomb

The Associated Press (AP) has reported that a 29-year-old man travelling abroad told airport security officers a sexual aid he had packed for the trip was a bomb.

Madin Azad Amin was intending to travel to Turkey with his mother when he was stopped by officials on August 16 after they spotted a grenade-like object in Mr Amin's baggage, said AP.

Rather explaining the nature of the item in front of his mother, Mr Amin told the officials it was a bomb.

The item was in fact a section of a penis pump, AP reported Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto as having said.

The report also said that a spokesperson for the Attorney's office confirmed Mr Amin had been charged with felony disorderly conduct.

He faces up to three years in prison if convicted.

I am right down the middle

Seems about right!!

My Political Profile:

Overall: 55% Conservative, 45% Liberal

Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

You'll poke somebodys eye out with that!!

I always thought carrots were good for your eyes. Seems I was wrong!

Man Accused of Blinding Wife With Carrot

MONROE, Conn. (AP) - A 46-year-old man is accused of assaulting his wife with a carrot, causing her to lose sight in one eye. Roderick Vecsey is charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct.

Pamela Vecsey, 46, underwent six hours of surgery after being hit in the left eye with the vegetable Saturday night, but doctors were not able to restore her vision, prosecutor Stephanie Damiani said.

The couple was arguing when Roderick Vecsey tossed the carrot, Damiani said.

Roderick Vecsey told Judge Patrick Carroll that it was a terrible accident, and was advised to remain silent.

The judge set a hearing for Thursday. Vecsey is currently free after posting $500 bond.

The GOOD Book!!

Nothing like the smell of a Bible 1st thing in the morning!!

Inmate, Wife Smuggle Bibles Backed With Blow

(AP) HUNTINGTON, Ind. A jail inmate pleaded guilty to charges that he asked his wife to smuggle cocaine to him inside two Bibles.

Anthony W. Duckworth, 32, pleaded guilty Monday in a Huntington County court to two counts of trafficking with an inmate. His wife, Amy M. Duckworth, 28, pleaded guilty to the same charges on June 19.

On March 10, Jail Commander Steve McIntyre intercepted one Bible that was to have gone to Anthony Duckworth's cellmate, Joshua Gidley. McIntyre opened the ends of the spine, which had been glued shut, and found a plastic bag containing about 2 grams of cocaine, he said.

According to police reports, guards could not remember who had delivered the Bible to the jail in the city about 20 miles southwest of Fort Wayne. But on March 27, Sgt. Paul Douglas found a similar Bible with a lump in the spine and discovered two plastic bags inside. One contained cocaine and the other contained a substance later identified as tobacco.

Bar-code stickers led authorities to a Wal-Mart, where they found a Bible had been bought with a credit card. The receipt was signed by Amy Duckworth and a surveillance video showed her making the purchase, police said.

Investigators said she later admitted buying the Bibles but said someone else supplied the cocaine and that she enlisted two other people to deliver them to the jail, where her husband planned to sell the drugs.

Anthony Duckworth's sentencing is set for Aug. 7. Amy Duckworth is scheduled to be sentenced July 24.

Bye Bye Rosie!

Hmmm, which is worse. Inmates pleasuring them selves and relieving tension in there own cells, or rampant rape, whether it be same sex or not??

I say give the stroking material if they so desire it!!!

Inmates Sue to Overturn Nude Magazine Ban

Jul 12, 6:52 AM (ET)

By KEN KUSMER

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) - Two inmates have filed a lawsuit against the Indiana Department of Correction to overturn a policy that bars magazines such as Playboy and Hustler.

The lawsuit filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Indianapolis seeks class-action status on behalf of more than 20,000 state prisoners and challenges a policy that went into effect July 1 barring adult magazines and other printed material that depict nudity or sexual content.

The policy could prohibit sexually explicit letters and publications such as National Geographic magazine and daily newspapers, according to the complaint, which said the new rule violates the plaintiffs' civil rights.

"The policy is written so broadly that it includes within its prohibitions such things as personal letters between prisoners and loved ones and much of the world's great literature and art," said the complaint, which was prepared by the American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana.

One of the two plaintiffs named in the complaint is Ernest Tope, 53, an inmate at the Pendleton Correctional Facility near Anderson who is serving a life sentence for murder. He claims he cannot subscribe to the motorcycle magazine Easyriders because it contains partial nudity.

The policy may also may bar books such as steamy novels by the best-selling author Jackie Collins that have been available in the past through the prison library, the lawsuit claims.

Both Tope and the other named plaintiff, murder and auto theft convict Wade Meisberger, 34, challenged the new policy through the prison grievance system but so far been unsuccessful, the complaint said. Meisberger, 34, is held at the Miami Correctional Facility near Peru.

DOC spokeswoman Java Ahmed said agency officials had not yet reviewed the lawsuit and had no comment.

Safe Driver = Jail time??

And I freak out when there are 3 cars waiting on a pump at my store. I can just imagine the chaos that was going on in the parking lot if it was a prepay store!!!

Free Gas Sets Off Fights in Milwaukee

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Jul 12, 4:46 PM (ET)

MILWAUKEE (AP) - Two vehicles crashed and four people were arrested in excitement over a gasoline giveaway Wednesday to reward the city for its safe-driving record.

For the most part, hundreds of drivers waited patiently for hours for about $30 worth of free gasoline each that Allstate Insurance provided at one station.

However, some motorists started lining up before midnight and the queue stretched far from the station into a residential area, trapping some residents in their driveways, said police spokeswoman Anne E. Schwartz.

That led to fights and arrests for disorderly conduct. In one case, three officers were sent to a hospital as a precaution because they were spattered with blood from someone's bloodied nose, Schwartz said.

The two crashes apparently occurred when queued-up motorists tried to let friends into line, Schwartz said.

"Any time you offer free gas when it is $3 a gallon, it is not surprising people would get excited," she said.

Allstate gave away a tanker truck load of gasoline as a reward to Milwaukee for ranking No. 1 among mid-sized cities on its safe drivers list.

Clarence Jefferson said he thought he'd be first in line when he got there at 4 a.m. - but found hundreds of others already ahead of him. Pumps were turned on at about 6 a.m.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "It helps. Every bit is worth it."

I am not scared of clowns, just the people that portray them!!

Clown fear rocks festival organisers

From: Agence France-Presse

ORGANISERS of a British rock festival have been forced to change its circus theme after a number of ticket-holders told them they had a phobia of clowns.

The Bestival event on the Isle of Wight, off England's south coast, in early September was to have encouraged festival-goers to dress up in curly red wigs and oversized shoes.

Last year's Cowboys or Indians theme broke a world record for the biggest fancy dress party when 10,000 people turned up in disguise.

But organisers feared thousands of clowns in one place could spark mass panic in the psychedelic atmosphere of the festival, which is popular with so-called "nouveaux hippies", The Times reported.

"We have had so many people with clown phobias contact us I am worried everyone might end up hiding in the woods," Rob da Bank, a BBC Radio One disc jockey who will "curate" the show, was quoted as saying.

Fear of clowns - or coulrophobia - has symptoms including shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, nausea, sweating and a sense of foreboding, The Times pointed out.

Heavy make-up and bulbous noses, plus negative childhood memories of the supposed funnymen and women, are thought to be the root cause.

The Drunken Pelican

Bet it was a Frat Boy bet to play "chicken" with the car!!

Intoxicated pelicans rounded up

27-06-2006

From: Reuters

FOUR pelicans suspected of being drunk on sea algae were being tested at a Southern California wildlife centre after one of them crashed headlong into a car.

Three of the California brown pelicans were found wandering dazed in the streets of Laguna Beach after another pelican struck a vehicle's windshield on a nearby coast road.

It suffered internal injuries and a long gash in its pouch and was undergoing toxicology tests.

Officials at the Wildlife Care Centre said the seabirds may have been under the influence of algae in the ocean that can produce domoic acid poisoning when eaten.

The other pelicans were rounded up after assistant wildlife director Lisa Birkle warned the public to be on the lookout for birds acting "drunk," disoriented or being in an unusual place.