14 Things You Really Should Have Done Before Getting Married

1. Watch yourself eating in front of a mirror. If you're put off, that's the view your future partner will have...

2. Live on your own. It's important that you find out what a hopeless slob you are before your beloved tells you. And then leaves you...

3. Go out with your friends for a "quick drink" and stagger home three days later...

4. Have a holiday romance with someone who doesn't speak a word of English. Who needs conversation?

5. Women: Take the soft toys off your bed. Nothing turns a man off more than performing in front of an audience of beady-eyed teddies...

6. Men: Get rid of those "How to Get Girls Even Though You're Poor and Ugly' books. They never work anyway...

7. Gobble the last slice of pizza without having to go through the 'No you have it, no really... Are you sure you don't mind...?

8. Walk about the house naked, without having to hold any bits in...

9. Have friends of the opposite sex. After marriage, it's too much effort to keep saying: "No, I really don't fancy them"...

10. Men: Enjoy that wardrobe space while you can! You will not believe the vast number of shoes that one woman needs...

11. Women: Fill in silly magazine quizzes with titles like 'Are You Seductive', without having to listen to loud laughter from your partner (who then runs off with the magazine)...

12. Men: Get rid of anything inflatable and female-shaped...

13. Relish clipping your toenails straight onto the carpet...

14. Remember that your best option with in-laws is to marry an orphan...