Dirty Law

I think they forgot to include "Cuff em and stuff em"

Things That Sound Dirty in Law

1. Have you looked through her briefs?

2. He is one hard judge.

3. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

4. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

5. Is it a penal offense?

6. Better leave the handcuffs on.

7. For $200 an hour, she better be good.

8. Can you get him to drop his suit?

9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

10. Think you can get me off?

Damn you dirty apes!!!!

How much longer till monkeys are running the local 7-11??

(Guess I need to put in some applications)

Chimps caught using 'tool kit'

From correspondents in London

21-02-2006

From: The Australian

They may not be ready for a full-time job, but chimps have been filmed using a 'tool kit' to harvest termites / file

SCIENTISTS working in west Africa have caught chimpanzees on camera using a "tool kit" to break into a termite mound.

The remarkable film shows one chimp using its feet to push a thick stick into the termite nest, like a gardener digging up potatoes. Then the same animal takes another tool, a slender stem with a frayed end, and inserts it into the hole to fish out the insects.

Chimps have been observed before cracking nuts with stones and catching ants and termites with twigs and leaves. But this is the first recorded example of the apes equipped with multiple tools.

The video footage, which has just been brought back from Africa, was taken by a team of scientists in the Congo using a hidden camera.

Andrew Whiten, of the University of St Andrews in Scotland, told scientists in the US: "This chimpanzee is using a tool kit." While termite fishing was already well known in many chimpanzee groups, he said: "Here you've got an extra technique that hasn't spread yet."

The human-like antics of the chimpanzees are the latest example of what scientists call "culture" in animals.

Culture is defined as a traditional behaviour that is learned within a group and passed between individuals and down generations.

More than 40 examples of cultural behaviour have been observed in chimpanzees, our closest animal relative. They have also been seen in wild orang-utangs living in Asian rainforests.

Scientists think culture goes hand-in-hand with social living and is both a product of intelligence and its spur.

Speaking at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in St Louis, Professor Whiten said: "We've come to a really exciting stage in our understanding and knowledge of great apes, which has built up over the last 40 years."

Can you help me pull this up?

I think this is a long lost sport, "Fun with Dressing Rooms!!!"

Army hunting 'Donkey Dong'

By Greg McLean

22-02-2006

From: Northern Territory News

Investigators are currently probing the mystery, but won't
move prematurely for fear of cocking-up the case / file photo

AUSTRALIAN military police are hunting for a well endowed serial flasher nicknamed "Donkey Dong" who is terrorising underwear salespeople.

The supposedly well-endowed flasher, who wears army uniform, has been labelled "Donkey Dong" by some city retailers.

Several clothing and sporting retail outlets in the Mitchell Centre have been targeted over the past six months by the unidentified pervert, who calls shop assistants into the change room to see if his tight underwear "fits".

MPs have obtained surveillance footage from several businesses to see if they can determine the identity of the culprit or rule out that he belongs to the military.

The most recent retail outlet to be targeted by the mysterious flasher received a visit on Valentine's Day.

"I thought it was one of my mates having a joke on me because we sometimes send each other fat-o-grams or something on Valentine's Day when he called me in to the changing room and I saw it," the shop assistant said.

"He has been in here four times and apparently he always tries on the same pair of red undies. I didn't really know what to say when he asked me if I thought they fitted him.

"It looks real and it's so big, it winds all the way down his leg and I wasn't sure what to do so I just went and got him a bigger pair.

"He got really nervous and was peeking out from the curtain.

"We call him Donkey Dong in here. He never buys anything and walks out saying that everything in the shop is too small for him."

Another favourite form of clothing for the serial flasher is bicycle pants, which reveal him in all his glory.

One retailer who outfitted the man with a pair of bicycle pants recently said he revealed himself to her. After getting a good look, she believes the serial flasher may be using a stocking to fake his credentials.

"It fell out of his pants and he said, `That's so embarrassing, it happens all the time'," she said.

A Department of Defence spokesman yesterday confirmed military police have spoken to retailers and are analysing surveillance footage to try to identify the man.

Please sign on the dotted line

Its guys like this that make the rest of us look good!!

Read the story here.

Nothing to update, but there is an update here

For the life of me, I cant figure out the draft feature on Blogger. Mainly changing post dates, but anyway...

Assume the position

Guess a bribe is kinda out of the question here...


(was gonna post it a few days ago, but somthing told me to wait, and now I know why, there is an update!!!)

Sheriff: Officers Must Have Sex With Prostitutes For Evidence

SPOTSYLVANIA, Va. -- Undercover sex is getting the OK from a Virginia sheriff.

Spotsylvania County Sheriff Howard Smith Several police officials and legal observers say the practice has been tried by other agencies across the country, but they knew of none that still permit sexual contact with suspects as part of prostitution investigations. But many police agencies across the country have banned sexual contact between investigators and suspects. said he stands by the practice of allowing detectives to receive sexual services in the course of their investigations so they can catch suspects in the act.

Court documents show that four times last month, county detectives allowed women at a massage parlor to perform sex acts on them. In one case, a lawman left a $350 tip. Smith acknowledged the practice is not new.

Smith told The Washington Post that only unmarried detectives are allowed to do the under-the-covers work.

He said actual sex acts are needed to help win prostitution convictions.

"If I thought we could get the conviction without that, we wouldn't allow it," Smith told the newspaper. "If you want to make them, this has to be done."

He said most prostitutes are careful not to say anything incriminating, which makes sexual contact necessary

Several police officials and legal observers say the practice has been tried by other agencies across the country, but they knew of none that still permit sexual contact with suspects as part of prostitution investigations. But many police agencies across the country have banned sexual contact between investigators and suspects.

When police used similar tactics in the past in Montgomery County, Md., the charges ended up being dropped.

Distributed by Internet Broadcasting Systems, Inc. The Associated Press contributed to this report. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

And here is the update, glad I waited

Sheriff Howard Smith will no longer allow his officers to pay for sex when making prostitution busts.

SPOTSYLVANIA, Virginia (AP) -- A Virginia sheriff said Friday he will no longer allow detectives to receive sexual services while investigating suspected prostitution.

Spotsylvania County Sheriff Howard Smith made the announcement after his officers spent $1,200 at massage parlors last month and sparked a public outcry.
Smith defended the practice as necessary to obtain a conviction but told his department he was suspending it.

"As sheriff, I understand the feelings and concerns the citizens of this county have expressed," Smith said in a statement on Friday.

"And I empathize with those feelings," he added. "Because of the public's express response, I have suspended this practice."

Court documents show that four times last month, county detectives allowed women at Moon Spa to perform sex acts on them -- once leaving a $350 tip. A total of $1,200 was spent during the visits, Smith said. (Watch the officers that always get their woman -- 2:39)

He said multiple visits were necessary so detectives could build trust with the operators.

Detectives shut down Moon Spa last month. The two suspected operators and three women accused of working there face several charges, including prostitution and sodomy, Smith said.

Smith maintained the sexual contact was necessary to obtain a conviction. But law enforcement officials say undercover officers only need to get an offer of sex for money to move the case forward.

The practice has been used in Spotsylvania since at least 2003.

Earlier this week, Smith told The Washington Post that sexual contact is needed during the investigations because most professionals know not to say anything incriminating. And conversation is difficult, he said, because masseuses at the Asian-run parlors in the northern Virginia county speak little English.

But several members of Spotsylvania's Board of Supervisors have spoken out against the methods used in the investigation.

"All of us ... have been worried about this episode tarnishing the county and making us a laughingstock of the nation," board chairman Henry "Hap" Connors said Friday. "That's why I came out early on and asked the sheriff to cease using these tactics."

Spotsylvania Commonwealth's Attorney William Neely said he respects Smith's decision to end the practice, but refused to apologize for the officers' tactics.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Love for sale!

And to think, all we had when I was a kid was a Hustler and some lotion!!!

Shop 'renting' sex dolls to teens

From:

From correspondents in the United Arab Emirates

HOT on the heels of reports in the British press that the Manchester-based Muslim Association has called for the banning of a male sex doll called Mustafa Shag as disrespectful to the prophet Mohammed, comes the news that a sports shop in the Emirates has been closed down for selling female sex dolls.

The owner of the unnamed shop had been renting out the dolls, mainly to teenage boys, for a day at a time.

They had not been advertised but the popular sex aids were trading by word of mouth.

According to internet gossip site, Popbitch, one satisfied customer had made the mistake of telling the son of a government minister and the store was raided and subsequently forced to close.

Meanwhile the makers of the Mustafa Shag doll, Anne Summers, has apologised for christening its moustachioed sex doll with a name often used by the prophet, or al-Mustafa, the chosen one.

Hello?? Is it me your looking for?

"I'm sorry, but the number you are calling is a dead line"

Corpse phones home

From:

From correspondents in Serbia

AN undertaker director faces criminal charges after organising a funeral service for a man who was still alive.

As Bogoljub Topalovic's coffin was being lowered into the ground, his daughter's mobile phone rang.

She was surprised, and then happy, to receive a call from the supposed corpse who was wondering why none of his family had been to visit him that day.

It seems a nurse, keen to claim the commission paid for information about new deaths, had mistakenly noted down the wrong name when ringing the funeral home.

The funeral staff then collected someone else's corpse.

The nurse also faces disciplinary charges for putting Mr Topalovic's family through several days of grief.

Hey man..... this dope is harshing my buzz......

Maybe Whitney Houston got some bad crack, cause it was whack!!

Ananova:

Cannabis smoker complained to police

A cannabis smoker has been arrested after complaining to police that he was sold bad weed.

Hans-Juergen Bendt, 52, from Darmstadt, lodged a complaint about his dealer with police after he sold him seven ounces of "completely un-enjoyable" hash.

Bendt complained the dealer refused to refund him the £270 (about $212.79 US from what I figure bc) he had paid for the drugs.

But despite the official complaint, in which Bendt described himself as a victim of "fraud" involving drugs of "absolutely mediocre quality", the officers failed to act upon the allegations and booked the complainant instead.

He is now being charged for the illegal purchase and possession of narcotic substances.