Someone needs a spanking!


Apr 3, 6:44 PM (ET)

(AP) A spider monkey eats Christmas treats at Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia in this 2006 file photo.... Full Image

MEXICO CITY (AP) - A spider monkey that escaped from a Mexico City zoo boarded a bus and attacked a passenger, Red Cross officials said Tuesday. The monkey got on the bus at about 11 p.m. Monday after escaping from the San Juan de Aragon Zoo, Red Cross spokesman Jair Martinez said. Zoo officials could not immediately be reached for comment.

The animal sat next to the bus driver for almost an hour as he drove through the city, and scratched and bit a 20-year-old female passenger when she tried to hold it, the Mexican news agency Notimex said.

Martinez said the woman was treated for her injury, and the animal was placed in quarantine. He said he had no further details.

I am naming my next kid Pantera!




Couple Fights to Name Baby 'Metallica'

Apr 3, 4:15 PM (ET)

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band.

"It suits her," Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. "She's decisive and she knows what she wants."

Although little Metallica has already been baptized, the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register the name, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word "metal."

Tomaro said the official handling the case also called the name "ugly."

The couple was backed by the County Administrative Court in Goteborg, which ruled on March 13 that there was no reason to block the name. It also noted that there already is a woman in Sweden with Metallica as a middle name.

The tax agency appealed to a higher court, frustrating the family's foreign travel plans.

"We've had to cancel trips and can't get anywhere because we can't get her a passport without an approved name," Tomaro said.

Bet it was a Cocktail Weiner!

Girl bites Hamburger

A German girl who could not get rid of a persistent admirer in a Hamburg disco unzipped his flies, pulled out his penis - and almost bit it in half.

Emergency services found the man clutching his blood-stained member in the middle of the dance floor.

Natascha Mueller, 23, told police: "I just wanted to dance and he kept coming alongside me and would not go away."

Her victim, Andreas Baum, 39, said: "She beckoned me over and told me 'I know what you need'.

"Then she unzipped my trousers and I thought it was Xmas, and then she bit me. The pain was incredible. She almost bit it off."

The young woman, who was arrested, was six times over the legal limit for driving when breath tested.

A woman walks into their Frat house to take care of business, and they called the cops??? Musta been the Tri-Lambs




Masturbating woman disturbs students

Male students at a US university called police after a young woman walked into their house and started masturbating.

The woman went into a Michigan University frat house and began to masturbate on a couch, reports the Michigan Daily.

Fraternity president Dan Nye said fraternity members were eating in the dining room at the time.

The woman told them her name was Melissa and she was a student at Eastern Michigan University.

She was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

"Obviously, she was very disturbed," Nye said. "It was not how a normal person would respond to people."

No one saw her enter the house but the front door had been left propped open because it was being repaired.

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

When members asked the woman if she was all right, she casually replied that she was fine, he said. At one point she was talking on her mobile phone.

She walked out wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police. By the time police arrived, minutes later, she had already left.

Note to self, make sure pet is dead BEFORE buring!!

Puppy comes back from the dead

A puppy which 'died' in a car accident crawled home after being buried for seven hours.

The poodle, Dudu, of Nanjing City, China, was hit by a van after he was taken out for a walk, reports Jinling Evening Post.

"He was so excited to go out, and escaped the rope," says owner, Miss Li, of Longjiang residential community.

"Dudu was thrown into the air, then hit the kerb. When my mother ran to him, he was spitting blood, and had stopped breathing."

Miss Li and her mother buried Dudu outside apartment block.

But later they were shocked to get a call from the property office saying the dog was sitting outside the building's metal door.

"I rushed out and Dudu staggered toward me. He was covered with soil and had dried blood at the edge of his mouth, and both eyes swollen with blood," says Miss Li.

Li and her mother immediately sent Dudu to Beier Pet Hospital, where doctors were touched by Dudu's brave story and performed an emergency operation.

Hospital manager Hu Hong says Dudu would have been in shock when his owner couldn't feel his breath and thought he was dead.

But luckily the pit was not too deep and the soil not tightly packed, and Dudu came to the hospital in time to be saved," he said.

Yes, this is one of the famous TV commercials for Ayds, a simple diet candy that was supposed to help satisfy your cravings for something sweet long enough to keep you from raiding the fridge and eating higher-calorie items. Unfortunately for the company's marketing department, AIDS was starting to become a name known to the public and, well...