A quick funny

Confessing Husband

This guy gets home, plaster-assed drunk, and stumbles into the bedroom, which wakes his wife. She notices he has a duck under his arm, and as he stands there, swaying side to side, he mutters "This is the pig I've been sleeping with"
His wife, disgusted by the condition he's in, says "You dumb ass. That's a Duck"
He says, "I wasn't talking to YOU"