Is this crack whack??

Maybe Ms. Houston should hire this guy to make sure she and Bobby get the good stuff!!

Man Arrested After Asking Officers To Test Crack Pipe

TAMPA, Fla. -- Phillip Williams doubted whether he was being sold actual crack cocaine, police say. So he approached two uniformed Tampa officers and allegedly asked them to test his crack pipe so he could be sure.

Turned out Williams, 47, was getting the real thing, and he was arrested shortly after approaching the officers Tuesday morning.

Officers Wayne Easley and Gary Filippone were investigating a burglary and trying to catch loose dogs when Williams walked up, crack pipe in hand, and asked them to verify that he was getting real drugs, a report said.

When Williams grabbed Easley's police vest, the officers put him in handcuffs, the report said. He was arrested after the residue in his pipe tested positive for crack cocaine.

Williams is listed in jail records as a security worker at MacDill Air Force Base. He is charged with possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia. He was still in jail Wednesday with bail set at $2,500. Jail records had no attorney information.

Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Slippery Samurai?

Well, at least it wasnt the Beverly Hills Ninja!!

Naked, Oily Man Attacks Police With Nunchucks

Written by Jodi Mohrmann
WCSC-TV

Police in Charleston say a naked man exposed himself to his neighbor, then later attacked officers with nunchucks.

Police say 49-year-old Rudolph Claude Smith went next door to his neighbor's house to borrow some oil for a workout. While he was in the neighbor's home, police say Smith took off his clothes and asked the neighbor to "oil him up."

According to a police report, Smith attacked officers with nunchucks when they came to his home to make an arrest. They also say the oil made it hard for them to get a good grip on him.

He's now in jail awaiting a bond hearing.

XXX AARP

I wanna be like this guy when I grow up!!

Who's your granddaddy

From correspondents in Moscow

From: The Australian

A 75-year-old grandfather has become the newest star of Russia's growing porn industry, after wandering on to a film set by mistake, thinking it was a muscle man show.

David Bozdoganov has since starred in the films The Old Neighbour and Handyman at Work.

Director Alexander Plahov said: "We were auditioning for a new film and had a number of couples on stage simulating sex when I saw an old guy standing at the back.

"I wandered over to ask him to leave when I saw this massive package straining against his trousers.

"I thought, now this could be an original idea. And I was right: all the movies we've made with David have been huge successes."

The beast with two backs - and a walking stick. But not everyone is delighted. The priapic pensioner apparently believes in the beneficial powers of garlic and his female co-stars have complained about his habit of rubbing it on his genitals before filming action scenes.

1st Beer Vending Machines, then Panty Vending Machines, now these??? I love convenience!! Who wants to call around and what U.S. places have them?

Sex Toy Vending Machines Popular In Britain

LONDON -- The buzz in Britain is about vibrator vending machines.

Bars and nightclubs in London and other British cities are selling sex toys out of pink Tabooboo machines. Geoff Todd, manager of the Alphabet Bar in London's West End, said they've put the Tabooboo machine right in the middle of the place.

He said patrons who might be too embarrassed to go into a sex shop will use their machine.

He said the sex toys have proved to be a good draw. The Tabooboo machines have a variety of adult toys, including mini vibrators. The adult novelties sell for about $9 each.On it's Web site, Tabooboo said some of their vending machines are found at the best design led bars, clubs, gyms, shops and even some hair salons in the United Kingdom, Italy, Holland, Japan and the United States.

The site said the bright pink tabooboo machines stock a selection of ever changing naughty goods.

Distributed by Internet Broadcasting Systems, Inc. The Associated Press contributed to this report. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Would you like that in a baggie??

Just proof once again the world is full of idiots!! Wonder if tire gauges were included in the sale?Miss Houston going under cover?

Police: Convenience Stores Sold Crack Pipes To Customers

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. -- Daytona Beach police said convenience store owners were selling crack pipes to customers and not even trying to hide it. Four store workers were arrested Wednesday during an undercover sting.

Most of the convenience stores that were raided were in the Ridgewood area. Three stores were busted for selling everything you need to smoke crack, except the crack.

"When you're selling this item as drug paraphernalia, it becomes a felony," explained Sgt. William Walden, Daytona Beach Police Department.

Eight convenience stores and four arrests were made because of a rose in a tube. At first, it could appear to be a chintzy gift for your sweetheart. Though most convenience store owners know what else it can be used for.

Not many will talk about it, although Wednesday undercover agents were calling it what it is.

"We told 'em flat out. 'We'd like to get a crack pipe,'" Sgt. Walden said.

Those who sold the vials were cuffed and hauled away.

Police said another bit of damning evidence was that some of the vendors gave a free piece of "Chore Boy" (like Brillo) with the vials. Crack users roll it up and stick it into the bottom of the vial. It acts like a crack filter.

"We weren't even asking for the Chore Boy, but, obviously, they knew how to complete the fashioning of them into an actual crack pipe," Sgt. Walden said.

Investigators said, if the owners can come up with another use for a vial and a complementary filter together, they will listen.

Police are actually surprised they made any arrests. The local Daytona paper ran a story on the rose-in-a-tube Wednesday morning against the wishes of the police. Police said they were lucky the suspects didn't read the paper.

Click here for the news video

Copyright 2006 by wftv.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

My kingdom for a goat

This reminds me of a joke I read in Maxim today. When I find it, I will post it too.

Ahhh, here it is!!Couldnt find it, so pulled it out of the air in my brain!
A young man has proposed to his girlfriend, buy 1st, he has to ask her father the farmer for her hand in marriage.

The recent grad walks up to his possible future father in law and asks if he can have his daughter's hand in marriage. The dad points over to the cow and says "If you walk over and screw that cow, I will consider it"

So, the young man goes over, pulls his pants down, and does his thing. Walks back to the father and asks again for his daughters hand.

Once again, the farmer points. "If you walk over and screw that pig, I will consider it"

The groom to be does what he is asked, and when he is done, is directed over to the goat. Once he is done there, weak and wore out, goes back to the farmer.

The farmer says "You have proved your love for my daughter, you may marry her with my full blessings"

The red eyed young man said "The hell with that!!! How much for the whole farm??"

Man forced to marry goat

From correspondents in Malakal, Sudan

From: The Australian

A MAN caught "in flagrante delicto" with a goat has been forced to marry the animal.

According to the local newspaper, The Juba Post, the goat's owner, a Mr Alifi, caught his neighbour, Mr Tombe, assaulting his goat and reported the man to the local council of elders for adjudication.

Goat ... identity of the victim cannot be revealed / file

"It was around midnight when Tombe came to do his nonsense on my goat, and I was already in bed inside my house," Mr Alifi said.

"Suddenly I heard the goat make a loud noise. Immediately I rushed outside to find Mr Tombe was naked and engaged in a relationship with my goat. " When I asked him what are you doing there, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up. They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife."

Mr Tombe agreed to pay a dowry of 150,000 Sudanese dinars ($125) for his new spouse.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi told the Post.

Dirty Law

I think they forgot to include "Cuff em and stuff em"

Things That Sound Dirty in Law

1. Have you looked through her briefs?

2. He is one hard judge.

3. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

4. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

5. Is it a penal offense?

6. Better leave the handcuffs on.

7. For $200 an hour, she better be good.

8. Can you get him to drop his suit?

9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

10. Think you can get me off?

Damn you dirty apes!!!!

How much longer till monkeys are running the local 7-11??

(Guess I need to put in some applications)

Chimps caught using 'tool kit'

From correspondents in London

21-02-2006

From: The Australian

They may not be ready for a full-time job, but chimps have been filmed using a 'tool kit' to harvest termites / file

SCIENTISTS working in west Africa have caught chimpanzees on camera using a "tool kit" to break into a termite mound.

The remarkable film shows one chimp using its feet to push a thick stick into the termite nest, like a gardener digging up potatoes. Then the same animal takes another tool, a slender stem with a frayed end, and inserts it into the hole to fish out the insects.

Chimps have been observed before cracking nuts with stones and catching ants and termites with twigs and leaves. But this is the first recorded example of the apes equipped with multiple tools.

The video footage, which has just been brought back from Africa, was taken by a team of scientists in the Congo using a hidden camera.

Andrew Whiten, of the University of St Andrews in Scotland, told scientists in the US: "This chimpanzee is using a tool kit." While termite fishing was already well known in many chimpanzee groups, he said: "Here you've got an extra technique that hasn't spread yet."

The human-like antics of the chimpanzees are the latest example of what scientists call "culture" in animals.

Culture is defined as a traditional behaviour that is learned within a group and passed between individuals and down generations.

More than 40 examples of cultural behaviour have been observed in chimpanzees, our closest animal relative. They have also been seen in wild orang-utangs living in Asian rainforests.

Scientists think culture goes hand-in-hand with social living and is both a product of intelligence and its spur.

Speaking at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in St Louis, Professor Whiten said: "We've come to a really exciting stage in our understanding and knowledge of great apes, which has built up over the last 40 years."

Can you help me pull this up?

I think this is a long lost sport, "Fun with Dressing Rooms!!!"

Army hunting 'Donkey Dong'

By Greg McLean

22-02-2006

From: Northern Territory News

Investigators are currently probing the mystery, but won't
move prematurely for fear of cocking-up the case / file photo

AUSTRALIAN military police are hunting for a well endowed serial flasher nicknamed "Donkey Dong" who is terrorising underwear salespeople.

The supposedly well-endowed flasher, who wears army uniform, has been labelled "Donkey Dong" by some city retailers.

Several clothing and sporting retail outlets in the Mitchell Centre have been targeted over the past six months by the unidentified pervert, who calls shop assistants into the change room to see if his tight underwear "fits".

MPs have obtained surveillance footage from several businesses to see if they can determine the identity of the culprit or rule out that he belongs to the military.

The most recent retail outlet to be targeted by the mysterious flasher received a visit on Valentine's Day.

"I thought it was one of my mates having a joke on me because we sometimes send each other fat-o-grams or something on Valentine's Day when he called me in to the changing room and I saw it," the shop assistant said.

"He has been in here four times and apparently he always tries on the same pair of red undies. I didn't really know what to say when he asked me if I thought they fitted him.

"It looks real and it's so big, it winds all the way down his leg and I wasn't sure what to do so I just went and got him a bigger pair.

"He got really nervous and was peeking out from the curtain.

"We call him Donkey Dong in here. He never buys anything and walks out saying that everything in the shop is too small for him."

Another favourite form of clothing for the serial flasher is bicycle pants, which reveal him in all his glory.

One retailer who outfitted the man with a pair of bicycle pants recently said he revealed himself to her. After getting a good look, she believes the serial flasher may be using a stocking to fake his credentials.

"It fell out of his pants and he said, `That's so embarrassing, it happens all the time'," she said.

A Department of Defence spokesman yesterday confirmed military police have spoken to retailers and are analysing surveillance footage to try to identify the man.

Please sign on the dotted line

Its guys like this that make the rest of us look good!!

Read the story here.